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A Journey (part 4)--- Secondary Infertility

26 February 2014

I am slowly catching everyone up to where we currently are on our journey towards expanding our family. If you haven't read parts 1, 2, or 3 you can do so by clicking on the tab above labeled "a journey" or by clicking here.  Today, I am going to copy and paste an entry below that I wrote back in August of 2013.

 Today is August 22, 2013. What was the result of the pregnancy test(s) I took two weeks ago? BFN- also known as- big fat negative. After over a year of negative pregnancy tests, I need to insert some humor here so I don't cry :D 

I've been doing a little research, and I learned that the word infertility (not to be confused with the word infertile) means not being able to become pregnant after 12 or more months of trying...also this includes women who become pregnant, but miscarry or have stillbirths. 

Secondary infertility (a word I had never heard of until today) means difficulty becoming pregnant or carrying a pregnancy to term, after 12 months or more of trying, following the birth of one or more biological children. The birth of the first child does not involve any assisted reproductive technologies or fertility medications. (info from National Infertility Association). Secondary infertility- finally, a word to describe what I have been going through. I don't know why, but it feels good to know that there is a word for it, and that apparently, I'm not the only one going through this! As of now, almost September of 2013, we have been TTC for 15 months. I know this is nothing compared to what some people go through, but infertility is a lot harder than I thought it would be!

I've told a few people that we've been trying to get pregnant for over a year, and several of them have responded the same way (I'm not saying this is a bad response- I think it's very normal-and I know they are just trying to make me feel better and I love them for that!).... They've responded by saying something along the lines of: "At least you already have one!"  True. I am VERY grateful that I have Kyler. I love him so much! I can't imagine my life without him! I'm so grateful that I got to experience pregnancy, and bringing him into this world! That being also makes it extremely difficult. I know what I am missing out on, and I want to experience it again! Kind of like a favorite candy (or favorite food, favorite vacation spot etc). People may have told you how awesome this candy tastes or how wonderful a vacation spot is...but you didn't know you loved it so much until you had tried it, and experienced it...then you REALLY wanted it again...even more so than if you had never had it before. Okay, I really don't want that last sentence to come across the wrong way. I am definitely not saying that I'm struggling more than women who have never experienced a pregnancy/birth. It must be extra scary/difficult for them, and I sympathize so much! Really, my heart goes out to them more than ever before.  I'm just trying to explain how already having one baby, doesn't make this trial non existent. I feel like infertility (and secondary infertility and any other trial really) is a trial that you can never fully understand until you've experienced it.

That being said, I can think of several other trials that I would consider far more devastating than secondary infertility, and I'm counting my blessings that this is my biggest challenge. I have so much to be thankful for. Focusing on the things that I do have, helps keep my mind off of the things that I don't have.

I went to another doctor's appointment today. My OB said again that he thinks I might have Endometriosis, but rather than dealing with that right now (I would have to go into surgery for that to be officially diagnosed) he would rather focus on getting me pregnant. Sounds good to me! Apparently Endometriosis goes away during pregnancy, and can be controlled with birth control pills after pregnancy.

Also, at my appointment, my OB was concerned about my irregular cycles (sometimes months go by without one). I found it strange that he was concerned, because I've always had irregular cycles and all my previous OBs told me that it was nothing to worry about. Also, I've already gotten pregnant twice even having irregular cycles, so I guess I assumed it wouldn't be a problem this 3rd time around, but it makes sense.

So, because of irregular cycles my OB proscribed me a fertility prescription called Clomid, which basically "tricks" your body into producing more hormones that promt ovulation. I will start out by taking 50mg of Clomid next cycle. If it does not result in a pregnancy, we will begin doing some testing, and I may be referred to a fertility specialist in a few months. Either way, I'm happy that we are finally taking action!

Current day Char here. This is so interesting to me- looking back on previous months, and seeing where we were on our journey, and how far we've come. I'm not going to lie- the last two paragraphs make me laugh. Only because...well... I guess you will find out as you continue reading about our journey :D  I'll put another post up soon! 

Duck Duck Goose

24 February 2014

I don't like geese (they eat fingers) but I am really proud that I took this half way descent looking picture, so I'm sharing it with you. Isn't it pretty? (say yes).

The weather has been so nice lately! We played at the boardwalk on Saturday- Kyler loves feeding the ducks/geese there.

I prefer the ducks over geese. Geese are mean! This one almost ate my finger. I'm not quite sure why I thought it would be a good idea to point my finger at it....but still.... it tried to bite me. Rude.

Obviously, Jared has more common sense when it comes to preserving fingers and feeding geese.
This is Kyler's favorite way to feed the geese. He likes to watch them super stretch their necks and fail at being able to reach the food. He's so sweet!

Watching Kyler get excited when the ducks finally do reach their food is highly entertaining- he's so animated!
Fun times with the fam :)

A Journey (part 3) --- Endometriosis?

19 February 2014

If you are new to the blog, or haven't yet read parts 1 and 2, you can do so HERE. I am slowly catching everyone up to where we currently are on our journey towards expanding our family. I will copy and paste the entry below that I wrote in July of 2013.
 Today is July 27, 2013. I know I have written a lot about how I have been feeling and coping with our loss, but today I just wanted to update on what has physically been happening.

We have been TTC for 13 months (9 months post M/C) now with no success, where as before, my previous pregnancies both occurred within a few months. I feel like something is wrong. I went to the doctor a few months ago, and my doc said everything looks fine, but questioned the possibility that I may have developed Endometriosis in my c-section scar tissue. My c-section scar hurts (severely) the day before I'm going to start a new cycle, and also the day a new cycle arrives. I feel kind of like Harry Potter- his scar hurts when Voldemort is near... My scar hurts when AF is nearing-hah.

Endometriosis is something that is not easy to diagnose (it requires surgery to officially diagnose), not life threatening, and can sometimes cause infertility. The doctor told me he is almost positive I have it (my symptoms match perfectly) but he told us not worry about infertility, because I have already gotten pregnant twice. He said we should easily be able to get pregnant again within a few months. As we were leaving the doctor's office, he suggested I try using OPKs.

I've been through many many many boxes of OPKs (even the expensive digital kind!) but I haven't had much luck getting a positive result. However, something happened today for the first time in a long time....I got a positive result on my OPK! I've been waiting months and months for a positive result!

really want to get the same positive result on a pregnancy test in a few weeks, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up. It's exhausting to wish and hope...just to be disappointed in the end over and over again. I'm trying to stay positive and do everything that I can, and leave the rest to the Lord.

A bowl of "fruit" salad.

I had a really good day today. Kyler made me laugh a lot! I took a few pictures on my iPhone that I wanted to put up here on the blog...just for memories sake.

Watching my three year old attempt to retrieve this balloon (while standing on a tiny chair 1 foot off the ground) was hilarious. 

Kyler loves to put socks on his hands and pretend like they are puppets. When I told him to take the socks off before going in the grocery store, he responded by informing me that "I need to wear my gloves or my hands will get cold." His response caught me off guard, and I was impressed by his logic, soooo I let him win. Even though I was slightly embarrassed walking around the grocery store like this:

When we got back in the car, Kyler asked to see my shopping list (the green paper pictured below). As soon as he saw it he said "Oh, it's purrty mommy. Good job!" Which is exactly how I respond when he shows me his artwork. I was just a little flattered. A few minutes later I looked back to find him like this:
His little sock hands clutching my "purrty" shopping list cracked me up.

I try to put off my phone conversations until Kyler is asleep (it is impossible to hear when he is around) but this afternoon, I had an important call that couldn't wait. I gave Kyler some leftover fruit salad to munch on, hoping that would keep in quiet. When I came back to the table 3 minutes later to share some fruit salad with him, I found this:

Apparently he helped himself to the pantry. Now that's my kind of fruit salad!

The Past 6 Valentines Days

17 February 2014

This year was the first snowy Valentines Day that we've had since living in Idaho in 2010!
Snow is so pretty (when you don't see it very often).
One of mine and Jared's favorite holiday traditions is to think back on how we celebrated past holidays every year together. I'm so glad I have this blog, because I'm starting to have a hard time remembering what we did 6+ years ago! Now, I can remember details that I otherwise would have forgotten with a click of a button :)

Valentines #1 together 2009- Soon after Jared and I started dating, I moved to Hawaii to go to school (for one semester) while stayed at BYU-Idaho. However, Jared surprised me on Valentines Day by flying to Hawaii (sorry I think I've told this story like 500 times haha). We had an amazing day full of snorkeling, parasailing, and exploring Honolulu.

Valentines #2 together 2010- By this time, we had been married for 6 months, and were living in Idaho. We got our dog, Bauer, for Valentines Day!

Valentines #3 together 2011- This was our first Valentines Day with Kyler in our family. We were living in California for Jared's internship (only for 3 months so we didn't move any of our furniture there). We didn't know anyone who could babysit Kyler for us... So we just had a date at home :)

Valentines #4 together 2012- We had just moved to Charlotte, so my parents were able to babysit Kyler while Jared and I went out on fancy a date.

Valentines #5 together 2013- Most of the day was spent driving around town looking at potential houses to buy, which may sound boring, but it was a really exciting day for us!

Valentines #6 together 2014- That would be this year!

We didn't have work or school (because it snowed) so we had a nice relaxing day at home. We were going to go out to eat as a family, but decided to get take-out instead. Eating at home was much nicer than waiting 5 hours to eat in an over crowded noisy restaurant :)

I wonder what next Valentines Day will look like!

Snow Activities

15 February 2014

It snowed again! 

Everyone in the south has been flooding their social media sites with snow I figured I would join in the fun :)

 Because everything closes here when it snows, we've had a nice relaxing week as family- full of watching movies, napping, and playing in the snow (which is only fun when you rarely see it haha).

The snow gave us the opportunity to try out a few kids activities that I've been wanting to do with Kyler. One of them was painting in the snow.... 

Walmart bags over shoes = redneck boots :)
Kyler had fun with it (so did I haha). The paint made for an interesting looking snowman. We made the "paint" by mixing food coloring, water, and cornstarch together. I've heard actual paint works too.

We also made colored ice balls out of balloons.

This was my little guy's favorite! 

When the ice balls melt, they turn the snow different colors. Kyler thought it was pretty neat!

Today's Home Intrusion

11 February 2014

I had been putting off grocery shopping for several days, but with snow in the forecast for the next few days, I knew I had to go this morning... or all of the milk and bread would be gone (crazy southerners). As Kyler and I were leaving the house, locked the doors, and set our home security system- just like always.

After we finished our grocery shopping, I got a phone call from Jared (who was at work 30 min away)--

Jared- "Are you at home?"
Me- "No....why?"
Jared-"I'm on the phone with our home security system, and they said that somebody set off our alarm. Do you want them to send the police over?"
Me- (freaking out) "Yes!" (please also note that there is no way our dog can set off the alarm).
Jared-"Okay, they are calling the police right now. Go home as soon as you can. They'll probably already be there."
Me- "Okay, I'm leaving now!"

Jared- (calls me again as I'm getting into the car) "The alarm company said there was a problem with the police being able to send somebody out, so they won't be going to the house." (this problem is definitely been addressed and fixed now).
Me- (about to cry) "What does that mean?! I'm supposed to go inside by myself now?!
Jared- "I don't know what the problem is, we'll have to sort that out later. I'll call our neighbors and make sure they go in the house with you. Just pull our car into their driveway."

I was nervous when I pulled up to the house, but felt a little safer thinking about mine and Jared's date last Saturday night- which looked like this:

I felt prepared!

My neighbor and I carefully walked around the exterior of our house. All of the doors were still locked, and no windows were broken. So, we slowly opened the door and I turned our alarm off. Bauer was still in the laundry room, so he didn't set the alarm off. Everything was in its' proper place....except....

Kyler's balloons. They were sitting right in front of one of the alarm's motion sensors. Apparently when the heater kicked on, it moved the balloons just enough for the motion detector to sense it.  Kyler's balloons caused our security system company to call the police! I'm so glad the police ended up not coming...I would NOT have wanted to pay them just to find balloons in front of the motion sensor!

Those darn balloon intruders~

A Journey (part 2) --- The Dreaded Due Date.

07 February 2014

If you are new to the blog, or haven't yet read part 1 of our journey, you can do so HERE. I am slowly catching everyone up to where we currently are on our journey towards expanding our family. The next entry that I will copy and paste below was written in April of 2013.

Today is April 8, 2013.

We are two weeks away from what would have been my due date.  A day that I once looked forward to, has become a day that I'm dreading. I had hoped that I would at least be pregnant again by my due date, but I'm not.

My doctor told me that I would most likely be pregnant again within a few months- spring at the latest. Spring is here, and we are still waiting; still hoping. The first couple of months after we lost our baby were not easy for me. Liiiiiiike I'd see a pregnancy or birth announcement on Facebook and then next thing I know, I'd be bawling my eyes out. I wasn't sad or upset with my friends- I just couldn't help but wonder why it was everyone else's turn, but not mine...?

Deep down, I always knew the answer to that question. The Lord has his own timing, and just because things aren't working out that way for me, doesn't mean I can't celebrate other's joys. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I am instead filled with love, gratitude, and patience. Sure, I may have moments where I slip up, (don't we all?) but it's nothing a little prayer can't fix. I've found that having a positive attitude through trials makes all of the difference. Everything will work out and will happen in the Lord's timing. I put my life in the hands of the Lord, and have faith in Him.

Family Home Movie (Aug 2013- Feb 2014)

04 February 2014

I love making these little family home movies! They are so fun to watch later and remember what life was like then. This movie (that is made of random little video clips Jared and I had on our phones) describes our life PERFECTLY. Also, this song will forever remind me of Kyler and this stage of life, because it was played daily in his old preschool classroom :)

ps. Part 2 of the "journey" tab coming up next!

Bright Faith= Bright Future!

01 February 2014

Sometimes I get frustrated when I think about and plan the future, and then things don't go exactly how I had planned. However, when I remember to have faith, my frustrations melt away, and I am reminded that the Lord has better things in store for us when things don't work out how we want.

This week, something wonderful happened! Jared accepted a job offer-we are sorta thrilled about :) It wasn't the exact job or the timing we had planned on, but this new job is practically perfect! He'll still be working with the same company (Carolina's Healthcare System) but has a new role on a new team that is very interesting to him. We are so happy, and are feeling very blessed for this new opportunity.